by Yael Tamar

This was one of those pictures that make you grunt and worry that you’ll never get that modeling contract. “Hey, Gil! Could you please take down that awful picture of me? Oh wait, on the second thought…”

On the second thought, leave it. I will use this horrendous piece as an example of how to pick up on body language cues from a person’s body language and how to use it to your advantage.

Right before this picture was taken I was thrown a ball and asked a question. This is a mirror image and so I’m looking to the right as I am responding. I am right handed (as you can see, I caught the ball with the right hand). A right handed person looking to the right while answering is constructing a memory, as opposed to creating a story. At least I am not lying!

The fact that I was looking up means that I was accessing visual information as opposed to auditory or other sensory form.  Basically, me looking up toward my right while holding the ball with my right hand means that I was most likely remembering a past event.

Of course, if you’re a fan of the Lie to Me TV show, you’ll know what I am talking about.

There’s a huge science to picking up cues from body language and how that will take you to another level in negotiations, but we’ll review just a few critical ones here.

1. Visual cues

When you hear a promise or an excuse, look for cues that it’s a genuine one. As you saw above, a right-handed person will look to the right when remembering and to the left when making stuff up. See if they are getting impatient or distracted and if they are looking at their watch or phone. That means you are losing their attention and need to change your pitch/approach.

Watch what your counterpart is doing with their body:

Where are his/her hands, are they folded?

(They are closed up to your idea.)                                

Is he/she rubbing his/her hands together?

(An indication that they expect to receive something)

Are they rubbing their neck?

(They are embarrassed.)

Are they rubbing their nose?

(They are not telling the whole story)

 Are they scratching their head?

(They really don’t know)

Are they touching their ear?

(They can’t really hear what you say.)

Are they tilting their head?

(They are interested and contemplative)

2. Gain rapport by imitation

It’s called mirroring in NLP. Try to imitate a person’s style and gesture, but do it subtly. E.g. imitate their tone of voice, speed of speech, posture and quirky movements (e.g. tapping the table with a pen) without being too obvious about it. This will help you get their rapport and then you can lead the dance. You can even try to match their breathing!

You can further correct the “wrong feeling between you” by mirroring, taking the lead of another person’s nervous or hostile motions and gradually reducing them and transforming them to a more friendly approach. 

3. Be on their side, literally

Sit on the same side of the table if possible, and no matter what, don’t sit on the opposite end. Sitting next to each other raises the feeling of a common goal and of a mutual interest.

4. Be genuinely interested

Just like you can pick up on the cues from the body language of others, some people can read you like a book. Make sure you know what you are talking about and exude confidence. Don’t look up or to the side when answering a question and keep your own position is as open as possible. Show that you’re interested in the other person and be as much engaged as possible. For me, I find it easy to keep repeating the phrase in my head: “I’m going to close this deal” or “They are going to love me” during the meeting.  

Tune in as we’ll be giving more advice on how to gain rapport and use body language cues in negotiation